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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in bigbiglust's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
10:58 pm
Can't push through the glass
Words are not enough
Filling, but not nourishing
Your pixels are not you.
What is on the screen
is the cardboard part of a balanced breakfast
and my balance is way, way down.
Gotta get a deposit of skin-to-skin
Should I eat the box and
pretend to be sustained?
Or starve, with hunger driving
Maniac behind the wheel
All destination, no journey.
10:52 pm
My carnivore heart needs
the meat of the matter.
Can't sink teeth into lofty Helvetica
a font of intangible verbiage.
Gnashing at san serif
Growls frustration
Snapping at wisps and apparitions
that tantalize through windows.
Sunday, March 19th, 2006
5:31 pm
Chat #2
F Feeder: Some people are very taken with the nonconsensual, the 'food rape'. I like that on occasion, but mostly for play. I care too much about my partner to hurt him beyond what's been agreed to.
M Feedee: so we are still defining terms then?
M Feedee: Question for you - what would you do to me in a "food rape”?
M Feedee: I think I like the sound of that. Definitely like the feel.
F Feeder: I think what I'm trying to say is that I don't play without a safe word, and that if I think a potential partner is not capable of looking out for his own well-being, then I have responsibility to do that, or choose not to play.
M Feedee: o.k. Very responsible.
F Feeder: If you're talking about reality. For fantasy, fuck all of that. Your eyes are going to pop when you see the massive amounts of weight gain shake that are going to be forced into that straining belly.
M Feedee: one of the excitements to me with you is the envelope touching of the reality of human consumption and fantasy consumption.
F Feeder: I want to tie you spread-eagled, with every arm and leg stretched out, and force that tube down your throat.
M Feedee: For whatever reasons, I have a trust for all you show me.
M Feedee: fill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
F Feeder: You're frightened and shut your mouth tight, but I slap you until you open for me.
M Feedee: yes, I'll do what is good for us.
F Feeder: The tube forces its way past your gag reflex, scraping down your throat...
M Feedee: you want my belly to unfold and flop at your feet. Me begging you to help me to my next swallows of fattening liquid.
F Feeder: I hang up the empty bag that's attached, and go into the other room. You're not sure if you're terrified that I'll come back, or terrified that I won't.
M Feedee: I’ll do whatever you want now...
F Feeder: Wide eyes watch with anticipation and fright...
M Feedee: my belly lard is starting its last stretch of skin.
M Feedee: the hot Itch of skin being pulled as elasticity takes over for tight belly.
F Feeder: I come back with two huge sacks and a pitcher. I pull out a five-gallon bucket of chocolate Ice cream, and a huge can of weight gain supplement.
M Feedee: the tear allows me to Ingest a little more of what you wish to fatten me with.
M Feedee: Ice cream, yessssssssssssssssssssssss more of it
F Feeder: I scoop half of the ice cream and all of the powder into the pitcher, and stir until it's smooth.
M Feedee: nervously watching and anticipating the chilling smooth creamy concoction work its way down into my burgeoning gut.
F Feeder: I pour the liquid into the bag until it's filled, liters of heavy creamy stuff, thousands and thousands of calories.
M Feedee: I can do this - let It flow…
F Feeder: "Think you want to be fat? Think you like having your belly stuffed? You have no idea..."
F Feeder: I open the valve and let it flow...
M Feedee: I do, show me. I’m begging of you, what else do mmmmpfmmm!
M Feedee: wow
F Feeder: You can feel it cold in the pit of your stomach, tasting only the faintest traces.
M Feedee: I feel air or wind bubbling as the liquid gushes into my ballooning figure.
F Feeder: I get out a tub of butter. "If you're going to act like a greedy pig, I'll treat you like one. I'm going to baste your belly, fat man...
F Feeder: I rub the butter on your hot skin until it drips on your hard cock and between your thighs...
M Feedee: I feel so many bubbles in there. Butter me up baby. Make me into the pig you crave to feed.
F Feeder: I rub a little harder with the butter to move air out of your belly. I can feel it fill under my hand.
M Feedee: look in my eyes.
F Feeder: Your eyes are still wide with excitement, and fear...
M Feedee: they show how full I feel. Can’t take in any more. But still feel the need to continue consuming.
M Feedee: encourage me to see how delightful more calories can be for me.
F Feeder: I can feel your belly tighten, round out.
M Feedee: push It In, knead it like the sugary dough I eat to put it on.
F Feeder: I check the tubing; make sure everything’s moving properly.
F Feeder: No encouragement today, no soft words of coaxing. Today is not about what you want.
M Feedee: how much more can I possibly fit inside.
F Feeder: I see that the liquid is slowing a bit. I shake your aching belly hard, looking for more room...
M Feedee: I feel with each sway a massive weight tug pulling me nearly off the bed. Oh, how much fatter I'm becoming. So much more of me than before.
F Feeder: You're nearly through the liters, so I make up the rest of the ice cream with another can of powder.
F Feeder: Your skin is tight, shiny and hot. I can see you sweat with the effort of holding It In.
M Feedee: I'm so so achingly full. Finish up with my feeding - I’m getting oh so bloated.
M Feedee: my libido is out of this world.
F Feeder: The skin, even buttered as it is, begins to tear under the enormous strain.
M Feedee: I can’t hold in my stomach muscles in any way. They are unwinding and stretching to a purplish tear.
F Feeder: I'm finally convinced that there is no more room, and shut off the valve. But you are still tied, still exposed, with your belly towering over you.
M Feedee: I can’t hold anything else in. I need a bathroom to release something and allow me to fill up more.
F Feeder: I leave you in the room alone, with nothing but your screaming tearing flesh to occupy you.
M Feedee: your figure is so imposing.
M Feedee: I feel so explosive. Let me try and walk, walk anywhere.
M Feedee: everything from thighs to belly is completely stretched out. My pants are history. Only nudity can comfort me now.
F Feeder: You finally pass out. When you come around, I'm just about to open the valve again. You can feel that the stabbing pain of your flesh has subsided to an ache, but your need to evacuate your bowels has been pushed to pain.
M Feedee: help me
F Feeder: I turn around and get something out of my bag.
M Feedee: I suck in air and feel it work its way around all the food in me.
F Feeder: It's a butt plug with a little curly tail attached. I lube up your tight asshole, and jab it inside you.
F Feeder: "Nothing comes out until I say it does, little pig."
M Feedee: oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
M Feedee: feed me more, I’m ready for it.
F Feeder: I open the valve wide, and you can feel the flow of the thick liquid into you once more.
F Feeder: The strain of keeping everything inside keeps sweat pouring down your face and body.
F Feeder: The new pain in your stomach begins to rival and then surpass the pain in your colon.
M Feedee: stuffed between the orgasmic flow of soon to be blubber and pain of the river gushing calories into my awaiting fatness.
M Feedee: how much more can you do to me.
F Feeder: You start to shake your head, softly at first, then more and more, but the tube will not be dislodged. Tears start to run down your cheeks at the incredible pain and fullness.
M Feedee: liquid coming back up just enough to begin an involuntary gag.
F Feeder: More tearing is happening on the underside of your incredibly filled belly.
F Feeder: When I see a gag, I smack your belly hard, and you start to swallow again.
M Feedee: deliriously caught up in my own erotic and out of control feelings, I accept the slight slap on my flesh as encouragement. Tough love for my fattening.
F Feeder: The imprint of my hand is white on the red tight flesh.
M Feedee: choking down large amounts of liquid, I find a second and third wind.
F Feeder: "You no longer have a choice my pig. Love it or hate it, you're going to continue to eat and you will be enormously, immensely fat.”
F Feeder: I'm finally satisfied with your intake and I remove the tube and restraints. Of course, your stretched and bloated belly holds you prisoner now.
M Feedee: eye contact makes you aware of my new and readied state. Getting up is now an impossibility. your diligence is paying off in incalculable gain for me. Belly stretching as you feel and administer my force-feeding. I accept the inevitable. You are and will adore and lick my larger self and enjoy the taste of you very own immovable pig boy.
M Feedee: gloat over you creation. I am now a globule of extreme lard, blubber and swelling.
F Feeder: "When you can move again, you may remove the butt plug and use the toilet."
M Feedee: do with me what you we’ll.
M Feedee: my gain and limpidness Is your trophy. Thank you, I will flush myself out.
F Feeder: This Is only the beginning, my greedy pig. Very soon, your own massive body will be your prison. Moving your enormous self even off the bed will be an impossibility.
M Feedee: promise!
F Feeder: It will be a struggle just to move your huge, grossly fat arms to get food from a plate to your mouth. And that is all you'll want to do.
M Feedee: that is all I’m good enough to do.
F Feeder: Your hunger will consume your life, as fat consumes your body.
M Feedee: enlarge myself with your guidance, heaven................
F Feeder: Maybe I'll bring in other feeders, other FAs to admire your immense blubber. They'll rub your huge body, take pictures, and force food into your mouth.
F Feeder: I'll charge money, pimp out my immobile pig.
M Feedee: I like...............
F Feeder: And there won't be anything you can do about it.
F Feeder: We'll talk about what a fat disgusting mass of flesh you are, how you'll do anything for the next bite of food. Tears of shame will run down your face as you beg them for food.
M Feedee: you will be so proud that you own my swelling body.
F Feeder: Your appetite has put you completely at my mercy, my fat pig. And I have no mercy.
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
1:57 pm
Chat #1
M Feedee: I have just finished the 2 entrees, rice and egg rolls. I even sucked the soy sauce packets dry. I'm sitting at the keyboard and my pants at the waist are so tight, it is leaving a red mark on the underside of my belly.
F Feeder: Oh, gods, I want to see that. I want to run my hands and mouth along the red line.
M Feedee: It is indented slightly and looks like a forming stretch mark
F Feeder: I want to try to slide my hand into your waistband, feel it tight and painful on my hand.
M Feedee: No lie, if you did that right now your hand couldn’t push its way through unless you undid my pants.
F Feeder: Is it a button, or a hook-and-eye fastener?
M Feedee: It is a jeans button at top. First of all it’s rolled under my belly and I have a belt buckle that is sticking me now. I am almost full but definitely borderline uncomfortable.
F Feeder: I think I'd have a hard time undoing the buckle and button. I might just get so frustrated I'd rip the button apart.
M Feedee: A double cheeseburger from now, and it might just break off.
F Feeder: You are sadistic.
M Feedee: And toooo skinny!
F Feeder: Way, way too skinny...
M Feedee: Will you help me? I need your subtle fattening skills and care to help me bloom all over…
F Feeder: It would give me the greatest pleasure to encourage you to eat more and more, to watch your waistline expand, to see you grow into a huge handsome man.
F Feeder: The first thing we need is more snackage at your desk. Eating is not just for meals, you know...
M Feedee: My head is ready to explode.
M Feedee: What would you suggest?
F Feeder: Chocolate, pastries and chips.
F Feeder: Covers all the basic cravings, and you don't get tired of eating one kind of thing.
M Feedee: Any chocolate, pastries or chips?
F Feeder: What do you normally drink at work?
M Feedee: I have 20 oz coca-cola in the morning. And coffee with a few spoons of sugar.
F Feeder: Buy in bulk - Reese's (if you like peanut butter), M&M's are easy to keep eating. For pastries, go with the Hostess or Little Debbie. Individually packaged keeps longer.
F Feeder: Gonna have to up the fat and calorie content of that coffee. Cream and whole milk, lattes or mochas.
M Feedee: White chocolate Reese's are my favorite. M&Ms without peanuts are doable.
F Feeder: White chocolate Reese's would be just right.
M Feedee: So each morning stock my desk with these items.
F Feeder: Yep.
F Feeder: Doritos? Cheetos? Fritos?
M Feedee: i work in the face of some people. My teeth will get awful chocolaty.
F Feeder: More Coke to wash it down.
F Feeder: Have to have stuff that's easy to reach for without even thinking about it...
M Feedee: I get bloated prematurely when I have carbonated beverages. You may have to be near by and squeeze out my air bubbles. That way I can force down more.
F Feeder: And we could also find you something sweet to drink that's not carbonated. I'm happy to help with the bubbles, babe, but it may not be a work-friendly activity.
M Feedee: You are right. How about drink mixers? Aren’t they sweet and caloric?
M Feedee: It’s my clothes that are being tested right now. I'm just getting to the point that it’s all too tight.
M Feedee: But not enough to buy anything right now.
F Feeder: I'd *love* to go clothes shopping with you, see you try on things, buy clothes in the next few sizes up and imagine what you'll look like when they're too tight.
M Feedee: I'm about 15 lbs from that.
M Feedee: I’ll be over the 300 mark for the first time in my life. Wow.
F Feeder: How soon do you think you'll get there?
M Feedee: Everything just changed with your help and advice.
M Feedee: Maybe 16 to 18 days of new methods.
M Feedee: I'm not sure about how soon. I will know when I weigh myself in 7 days or so.
F Feeder: Keep me updated. I know you don't want to weigh in too often - it's hard to see results that way...
M Feedee: I just want to feel bloated, or borderline uncomfortable. That way I know I am stuffing.
F Feeder: Yep. And if you keep snacking through the day, you can stay at that feeling longer and increase your capacity.
M Feedee: I can’t tell you how tingly sexually excited to talk to you this way.
F Feeder: Are you, um, hard?
M Feedee: it’s pushing against the cloth and leg. It’s kind of stuck in between my growing thigh and worn down jeans.
F Feeder: Do you need to adjust the position? I've heard that can be uncomfortable.
M Feedee: I have.
F Feeder: One of the great things about being very fat is that it's much harder for people to tell that you're erect through clothes.
M Feedee: Now that my stomach is starting to drop in the slightest way. I find when I pull up my pants that they stay under the belly and are loose in the ass. My waist on these pants is 42 inches, and my pants are starting to squeeze me out like toothpaste.
F Feeder: With fat hanging all around the waistband? Mmmmm...
M Feedee: it’s starting to droop over the front and sides. As I type it’s resting on my lap.
F Feeder: Can't wait till it's pushing your legs apart, bulging between your thighs.
M Feedee: That’s is in about 15 to 20 pounds. I’m erotically uncomfortable right now.
F Feeder: What kind of shirt are you wearing?
M Feedee: I am wearing a t-shirt. It is an xxl.
M Feedee: As I sit and look down under my chest at the top of my belly, it is roundly jutting out like a sack of lumpy cement. The shirt is extended in my pants so that it cant be tucked in. It will show skin at almost any movement.
M Feedee: I'm getting fat.
F Feeder: Gods, I'm so horny right now. It's all I can do not to touch myself, and I'm breathing hard just from reading your words.
M Feedee: It’s better when you have crumbs on your fingers from the little Debbie’s you just helped me lovingly swallow. Nice thick and gooey fat slowly being added under my skin.
F Feeder: I can use my hands to feed you immense amounts of food, and you can use your hands to, um, help me out.
M Feedee: I would lovingly manipulate you, rubbing and licking my fingers in between bites to bring you to the climax only known to the feeding community. Hearing my voice speaking softly to you gurgling through unswallowed food. Nice, don’t you think?
F Feeder: Could you play with my breasts? My nipples are so very sensitive. I'd love to feel them against your fat body.
M Feedee: I would squish your pulsating nipples between areas of my fat. As we feed and rub each other into hot explosion of physical heat.
F Feeder: I'd rub my wet pussy on your massive thighs, grinding against your growing belly...
F Feeder: Pretty soon, I'd have to get down between your knees, push your huge stomach out of the way so I could suck on your cock.
M Feedee: if you’re as good at force feeding and fattening as you say, then you will be moving my gargantuan belly out of the way to please me and test my inner love. I hear mine is sweet as candy.
F Feeder: I believe that. All that yummy fattening food making its way down my throat in the form of your cum...
M Feedee: And I will be oh so plump and waddlish in your bed, struggling to get out of bed to get some air outside.
F Feeder: Who needs air?
F Feeder: I want to watch you fight to get behind a steering wheel, or need three tries to get out of a soft chair.
M Feedee: Can you put calories in air?
F Feeder: I'm willing to try - maybe some sort of fat humidifier.
M Feedee: We are too good for each other
F Feeder: Or really, really bad. I can't see wanting to do anything but stuff you 24/7.
M Feedee: I'm ready for the worst and best you can do. I will sacrifice myself up to your fatdom.
M Feedee: Funnel feed me if you must. I can take it allll in.
F Feeder: It's exciting beyond words to find someone that wants to be very fat, who will eat past the point of full.
F Feeder: Someone who will tease me by showing little bits of flesh, or rubbing and hefting his belly while I'm looking...
F Feeder: You'll have me wrapped around your little finger, babe.
M Feedee: I am soooo happppy to find someone who wants to help me realize the sexual feeling of slowing down for weight, bumping into items that I was unaware were in my body space. Squeezing my way down a theatre line knowing that my fat is pushing and rubbing against everyone.
M Feedee: I want your hands kneading my ever growing body and newly layered fat. feeding me as you go along.
F Feeder: I won't be able to keep my hands off you, it'll be like an addictive drug by touch.
M Feedee: I want you to overdose on what you do to me. Make me fatter.
F Feeder: I want to go to the movies with you, get the largest bucket of popcorn and tons of candy to feed you through the whole show.
M Feedee: If I drop my candy I’ll be too fat to bend over and get it. Will you help me?
F Feeder: Oh, yeah. But most likely, it'll just land on your massive chest and belly, and I'll pop it into your mouth from there.
F Feeder: I want to go to a drive-up window at a fast food place and order food for an army - feed it to you all the way home.
F Feeder: I want to bring you piles and piles of breakfast in bed, scrambled eggs with tons of cheese, pancakes, bacon and sausage...
M Feedee: Tell me more.
F Feeder: I want to make a gallon of milkshake, with ice cream and weight gain powder, and slowly fill you with it.
F Feeder: I want to feel your belly tight and firm from all the food in it, and massage you gently until you can take more.
M Feedee: Spooning it into to my quivering lips, tilting my head back. Standing behind me and slowly drizzling the shake into my ever-filling mouth.
F Feeder: Begging you to have just a little more, just one more bite...
M Feedee: Please feed me more, crumbs and all. Make my belly as tight as a drum.
F Feeder: Seeing you stretched out on the couch, so full that you can't even sit up, not being able to take a full breath.
F Feeder: Running my hands over your huge, tight belly, over your rock hard cock.
F Feeder: Feeling all of you shake and quiver as I take you in my mouth.
M Feedee: You have me so stuffed and breathless that the remote is unreachable and it is only as far as my feet. Can I possibly fit anything else into my mouth?
M Feedee: Remember, the bigger you make me, the more flesh can cloak you as I get on top of you.
F Feeder: Even the tiniest movement is difficult, you just want to lie there and feel all that food turning into more and more fat.
F Feeder: You doze for a little while, wake to find me caressing you. Heave yourself up and pull me down on top of you...
M Feedee: Before I wake, you can slip tiny Reese white chocolate cups in my mouth. As I come to, make me swallow before I am allowed to do anything else.
F Feeder: I can taste them on your sweet lips...
M Feedee: I can stay indoors during major feeding binges. And put on about 20 lbs or so or you wont let me get out of doors. I'll have to fatten up so others can see your work on my blimping back and ass.
F Feeder: Oh, I am a harsh mistress.
M Feedee: Just make me fat and blubbered, and I will do anything you need me to do. By the way, I just had a doughnut.
F Feeder: After all that Chinese food? Your pants must be digging in like crazy.
M Feedee: My belly has flopped over a little more. I find myself starting to bend over to relieve some stress on my back. I really do enjoy this part of my growth.
F Feeder: Got more doughnuts handy?
M Feedee: 3 glazed, but they look a little squished together.
F Feeder: Squishing never hurt a donut. Maybe you should have another one.
M Feedee: Whew, definitely feeling the full wall.
M Feedee: Ok, 2 is now through. I put the 3 in my desk. I don’t want anyone seeing me do the third one right now.
F Feeder: Good for you, getting those two down!
M Feedee: Thank you, I feel the last one on the under side of the back of my throat. Fullllll right now.
M Feedee: I think this help with you is going to get me there quicker.
F Feeder: I am always happy to be of assistance.
M Feedee: Third doughnut had no chance. I - am - stuffed!!!!!!!!!!!! What is dinner going to be, you food mistress?
F Feeder: In the mood for Italian? Two or three portions of Fettuccine Alfredo would be a good start.
F Feeder: Or three or four burgers, with fries and shakes. You pick the franchise.
M Feedee: I make such a great fattening cream sauce. It can be dripping down my shirt onto my ledge of a belly.
M Feedee: On the way home, 2 double quarter pounders with cheese and a chocolate shake is a nice start.
F Feeder: To tide you over on the commute.
M Feedee: Exactly.
F Feeder: With the fettuccine, you'll absolutely need some garlic cheese bread and some fried mozzarella...
M Feedee: Won’t my breath keep you away? With all that sorting out inside me?
F Feeder: I'm Garlic Girl, it's like pheromone cologne for me.
M Feedee: You will be all over me. I live for garlic.
F Feeder: Then you can rest and watch TV for a while, but keep a couple of packages of cookies and some milk handy. DoubleStuf Oreos for preference...
M Feedee: Double stuff are my best friends.
F Feeder: The fudge-covered ones are great, but they don't soak up milk as well.
F Feeder: You do have a gallon of whole milk at home, right?
M Feedee: I’ll get it after McDonalds today. I'll never run out of whole milk again.
F Feeder: Maybe you should sign up to have your groceries delivered. Never want you to run out of food, and of course I wouldn't want you to expend any of those hard-earned calories wandering around the grocery store.
M Feedee: I never would of thought of that. You ARE good at this. I might have added an extra 50 by now if I had known you sooner.
M Feedee: I just found a whole container of cream cheese and 2 bagels. Do I dare? Everyone is almost out of here and my desk is empty. I feel like a bad boy.
F Feeder: Oh, I think you absolutely have to. Be sure to get at least 1/2 inch of cream cheese on each piece.
M Feedee: 1/2 inch thick all the way across. Ok, I'll be back in a minute.
F Feeder: Ok.
M Feedee: I am back. No one to watch and I got both bagels. 4 halves staring at me with almost all of the cream cheese on them. I’m taking the first bite and it’s a big cheesy mouth-filling morsel.
F Feeder: Mmmm, so thick with cream cheese it's tough to get your mouth around it...
M Feedee: Mmmmmfffff but sooooo rich and delicious.
M Feedee: This will coat my insides soon. But it is a little more than I thought it would be.
F Feeder: Cream cheese is very filling. Don't worry; we'll get your stomach stretched out soon enough. Pretty soon, this won't even register as a snack.
M Feedee: Worried no, but full yes. I just had to pull my buckle off. The strain is digging into my under belly.
F Feeder: Are you on the last hole of the belt?
M Feedee: lol. I added one. Last hole one removed. It’s getting so wrinkly too I need to get something a little stretchier I think,
M Feedee: I’m sure after a while belts will not do me any good.
F Feeder: There is that. Some guys move on to suspenders. Just have to see how the weight works on you. It's very individual...
M Feedee: My belly is getting rounder and fuller. It is also headed slightly down in a round belly swoop. My ass is getting dimples also.
M Feedee: One bagel down. I’m taking a few breaths before I down the next one. That one took a little.
F Feeder: I like men of many varying shapes, as long as the belly is the focal point. But I have to say I like thick legs and arms too, and a wide ass. Well-proportioned looks amazing.
F Feeder: Good boy. You can eat that second bagel, no problem. You haven't even begun to fill up yet.
M Feedee: You should feel the layer of top belly meeting man-boob crevice. It is so tight there.
M Feedee: I just took a bite; I am so not tasting, just chewing and swallowing it down.
F Feeder: Make it automatic - something goes in your mouth, you chew and swallow...
M Feedee: I will, just a couple of minutes and I’ll chew it all down.
F Feeder: Take your time, sweetie. No rush, we have all afternoon to keep you stuffed.
M Feedee: You know best. I am pretty full
M Feedee: I’m a little tired. Cream cheese is a nice kind of filling isn’t it? I like sitting here getting fuller as we talk.
F Feeder: Yep. I love cream cheese, makes for a great dip with Triscuits.
F Feeder: I like hearing about your eating and how full you're feeling.
M Feedee: I've never done this kind of thing. It’s intensifying my feelings for being forced to be fed, and fattened.
M Feedee: I never thought I would ever find a female who felt the opposite side of my vast food and sex fetish.
F Feeder: I wish there were more of me to go around.
M Feedee: I have been inspired today. Just finished the second bagel. Wow, oh wow. Wheeeewww, full right now. I saw a couple of small powdered doughnut boxes in my ex-secretaries cupboard. Do I dare?
F Feeder: Oooh, tempting. You could just put them on the desk, no harm in that.
M Feedee: I’ll be right back.
F Feeder: K.
M Feedee: Back am I (Yoda). Both boxes are open. One has 6 little powdered sugar doughnuts, and the other has 8. They look awfully dry though.
F Feeder: Any milk, or better yet, cream in the office?
M Feedee: No, just the dry creamer. I have a big bottle of Snapple. It’s a very sweet kiwi something or other.
F Feeder: Very nice work on the donuts. Snapple is a good choice as well.
M Feedee: It was all that was available. I manage this office and run it for the owner, so when people leave their stuff in the fridge I know if they are still here or not. There look to be a few more treats in there. I am certainly not going to even think of those when I have 10 doughnuts in front of me. And they are very dry. I have powder on my belly ledge right now. It’s kind of funny.
F Feeder: Mmmm, would very much like to lick that off.
M Feedee: There is enough of it.
M Feedee: I had a guilty tingle come over me. I’m undoing my pants and letting my belly flow out of their restricted place. My stomach just rumbled again. I am FULL right now. It’s been about 3 hours that I have had this stuffed feeling. It might be a feeding record for me.
F Feeder: Guilty? Never.
M Feedee: I have just 7 doughnuts left. And my pants are down to my ankles as I let my stomach hang out and I’m just leaning back in my chair. I’m starting to feel pinned in here under my stomach weight. That is so hot, being fed that much by you that I can barely move with out feeling skin stretch into a widening mark of expansion.
F Feeder: Wow, that just sent sparks straight through me.
M Feedee: I’m eating the doughnuts 2 at a time now. Crumbly and gone now. W-O-W. I am soooo bloated and full. I wish I had a webcam, I think you would gush seeing me from this morning to now.
F Feeder: I wish you did too, although the imagination is working overtime.
F Feeder: Need to send you some good lotion or body butter. Something to allow the skin some stretch, and to be a nice sensation on that hot, tight belly.
M Feedee: I’m sooo full right now. I just stuffed the last 7 doughnuts into my wide-open bulging cheeks and mouth. .........I’m FAT.
F Feeder: I want to be there to watch your full round face as you swallow the rest of that fattening snack down.
M Feedee: I want your hands to be the ones guiding each and every calorie into my body.
F Feeder: I want to massage your belly, feel all the food that you've stuffed into it.
F Feeder: I want to kiss and lick every roll, every bulge on your body.
F Feeder: I want to hold your flesh in my hands, feel the weight of it against me.
F Feeder: I want to hear your labored breathing, feel the struggle to move under that enormously full belly.
M Feedee: I’m not deep breathing yet. But after those doughnuts I am very dry mouthed.
F Feeder: Do you have anyplace to lie down? Even with your pants down, you can't be very comfortable in a desk chair.
M Feedee: How thoughtful of you! I have a couch in the main lobby but that faces the street. My chair pulls back like a poor man’s lazy boy. I’m leaning back with my stomach just hanging out there. Very round and tight, tight, tight.
F Feeder: I have this very vivid vision of you unable to fit into that desk chair.
F Feeder: Having to ask for a bigger one, or one without arms...
M Feedee: My ass as I sit in it squeezes just a little. I have more to go with your help before I stuff myself in, but I’m working on it right now.
F Feeder: It's good to have something to work toward.
M Feedee: I’m so hot. I feel so stuffed, almost uncomfortably full that I can't believe I’m going to go back to the fridge. Do I dare?????
F Feeder: Gods, yes, more food!
M Feedee: I want you to know that I AM REALLY EATING. Will you be here when I get back from my other fridge run? Will you wait to be with me while I force myself to stuff more in my mouth and belly?
F Feeder: I'll be here. If the fire alarm goes off, I'll still be here.
M Feedee: Hold yourself, I’m laughing cause I just tried to stand up real quick like and the bottom of my shirt grabbed the chair and I sat down again. Kind of like I weighed too much to get up on my own. I’ll be back, hold tight. You have me really into this right now.
F Feeder: I'm not going anywhere, sexy.
M Feedee: lol.... I’m going to get so large. I found the mother lode. 10 slices (8 left) of Philadelphia cream cheese cake. It’s kind of soft. 380 calories per slice by 8 is probably way too much for me to attempt now. Don’t you think?
F Feeder: I think you have to at least try. Get one slice down, see how it feels.
M Feedee: It’s so creamy and sticky sweet. The crumbs wont stay on. Hold on a second, let me put it in and chew.
F Feeder: Hope you have something to wash it down...
M Feedee: I made it automatic like you told me. It’s packed in the back of my throat waiting for me to breathe it down. It’s going down with the Snapple.
F Feeder: Good boy. It's going to feel so good in there.
M Feedee: I found a 2-liter bottle of A&W root beer. That should put a few more calories into me, shouldn’t it?
M Feedee: First piece swallowed. It’s still at the top of my throat, but here goes piece number 2.
F Feeder: That's it, one at a time.
F Feeder: I'm mesmerized, babe.
M Feedee: I took a big swig first to wash down that cheesecake. It bubbled a little. I’m a calorie vacuum today, aren’t I? lol
F Feeder: Yep, and it's all going straight to that gorgeous belly of yours.
M Feedee: All right, my cock is very hard right now sharing this guilty time with you. I have the second piece of cheesecake halfway gone. It’s so soft. It feels easy to get into my mouth and throat, but it’s still bulky to my throat. It’s still sticky thick, but it was easier to get to the back and down my throat. Second piece is now in me. Wow, I can barely sit up. I always wanted to get that full. Third piece, first bite is underway. Big gulp of non-carbonated root beer is also being guzzled. I’m such a big fat pig right now.
F Feeder: That's it, babe. You can do it. If I were there right now, I'd be feeding you that cheesecake and rubbing your belly while you chew and swallow.
M Feedee: Promise?
F Feeder: All that glorious cheesecake is going to make you huge and round, going to stretch you inside and out so you can eat more and get even fatter.
M Feedee: I can’t believe how fast I ate those 3 pieces of cheesecake. I am so hot and ravenous. I’m so full, but I want to try one more bite. I can taste the doughnuts through a burp right now.
M Feedee: I am definitely testing my inner size today.
F Feeder: Eat more of the cheesecake, get fatter for me, please eat more.
M Feedee: I am so full. I want to get so huge for you.
M Feedee: Number 4 has just suffered its first bite. I have just eaten 1140 calories in the first 3 slices.
F Feeder: I know you can do it. I want you to be massive; I want people to look at you with disbelief at how fat you are. I want them to watch you eat and be amazed at how much food you can eat.
M Feedee: My big belly is just hanging tightly over my lap. I am eating cheesecake bits off my stomach and legs for you.
M Feedee: I promise I won’t let any fattening food hit anything but the bottom of my huge belly.
F Feeder: Oh, gods, I wish I were there. I want to taste the cheesecake in your kisses.
M Feedee: Honestly, you can taste it in the air I’m sucking in and out to find more room inside me right now.
M Feedee: I am a little stopped at finishing number 4. Tell me how desirable I will become with the more bites I swallow.
F Feeder: Gods, don't stop! I want you to eat more and more, eat it all and get huge for me. I want you bursting buttons and zippers, I want people who see you every day to be amazed at how fat you're getting.
M Feedee: Fourth slice is now history. You inspired me…
F Feeder: You're going to be so incredibly fat, and I'm going to worship you with every inch of my body.
F Feeder: Your belly button is going to be so deep and thick. You're going to be so fat that you can't even see it.
M Feedee: I am now biting into the fifth piece of cheesecake. I am so out of control now, I feel like a wicked little boy. I just coughed and leaning back the way I am my belly rolled like a wave from the top down. I’m developing a playground for you beautiful.
M Feedee: I don’t know how I’m going to choke down this piece. I’m going to take a big swig of root beer and let out a big belch. That will make a little room. For my treat.
F Feeder: You are wicked, you're my wicked little pig. You can't stop now, you only want to be more and more massive.
M Feedee: Yes I do - I will eat another piece of the cheesecake. It is oh so rich. I’m just pushing the whole thing in and it is barely sticking out of my almost closed lips. It’s so much and it isn’t dissolving as fast. I just need it to sit in my mouth for a little while and chew. Little by little you are turning me into your morbidly obese hog.
M Feedee: How long have I been eating this cheesecake, hun?
F Feeder: Gods, about fifteen, twenty minutes?
F Feeder: You're doing so great, baby. I'm so turned on by this, it's incredible.
F Feeder: Take the time you need, my stuffed stud, but you *are* going to finish it all.
M Feedee: What are we thinking, I just forced 1900 calories into my totally stuffed and aching stomach. Can I just hold of a minute and try to catch my breath and find a comfortable position to wallow in?
F Feeder: Like I said, take your time, get comfortable. Catch your breath…
M Feedee: My god, I am so belly huge. It is both tight and round all the way up to my man tits. And it’s weighty on my lap, like it is blowing up and getting ready to fill up more and float away. I've never felt this completely stuffed. There are 3 more pieces getting warmer and softer in front of me. Wow, you are great.
F Feeder: Hon, I don't want you to be sick. In my excitement, it's easy to forget that it takes time to work up to stuff like this.
F Feeder: If you think your system is going to handle it, I'd absolutely want to keep going. If not, listen to your body.
M Feedee: My mind is also racing. What a rush talking to you like this! I am not at throw up point, just feeling heavier and fatter. I have eaten 10 pieces before. I am ok to continue. Are you still hot about my weight expansion?
M Feedee: I am very very erotically full.
F Feeder: I'm so incredibly hot about it.
F Feeder: Ok, deep breath, get finishing that cheesecake!
M Feedee: Slice 6 is halfway in. I can just let it dissolve a little and then swallow the rest of it. Quite a few calories here. Are you proud of the achievement? I'd like to send you the empty box and a video showing you my feeding today.
F Feeder: I'm so proud of you, my big round hippo boy! You've been amazing...
F Feeder: I'd love that.
M Feedee: I may be a hippo now, but I can get much bigger. 6 is all the way in. Its a good thing we aren’t talking right now. You would just hear a muffled sound of me waiting for the cheesecake to go down my throat.
F Feeder: If I were there to hear you talk, I'd tell you to shut up and stuff more cheesecake in.
M Feedee: One bite off of 7 is now in, per your command.
F Feeder: That's it, it's all going into that soon-to-be massive belly of yours.
M Feedee: I feel so stretched out around my lower back to the very front of my extended belly.
F Feeder: I want you so fat that you waddle, so fat that the floor shakes when you walk.
M Feedee: I told you I could get here. I am so shocked and amazed. Not to mention so sexually ready for you to force a little more into me. I want to make you proud when you take me out to restaurants and people gawk at not only my size but also how effortlessly I will be able to put away massive amounts of fattening dishes.
F Feeder: We'll sit right in the middle of the room, with you in the tightest clothes we can get on you. I’ll bring you plateful after heaping plateful of fattening dishes.
F Feeder: You'll rub and pat your massive belly, and laugh as buttons fly and your shirt rides up.
M Feedee: I’m ready to start buying sweats and stretch clothes. Please help me grow out of sweats. I want it so my sweats don’t come down over my growing stomach.
F Feeder: I want your sweat bottoms so tight that you have to push them down under your belly to breathe.
M Feedee: Yes, I can feel that a little now. Piece 7 is history. I’m feeling pinned in my chair by 7 pieces of cheesecake plus. I have taken a full step into obesedom.
F Feeder: There will be a gaping expanse of flesh between the bottom of your shirts and the top of your sweat pants. Even pulling the shirt down doesn't help, it won't cover your huge belly.
M Feedee: My t-shirt is doing that right now at the very bottom. I am oh so fucking full. This conversation has opened my sexual appetite for this fetish way up. You are expanding me in more ways than one.
F Feeder: Damn, I want you so bad it hurts.
M Feedee: I only have one piece left, and I’m taking very deep breaths.
F Feeder: I know you can do it. I know you can eat all of it.
F Feeder: It's all going to be inside you, making you more and more round. Making you fatter and fatter.
F Feeder: You're just a scrawny little thing now. You need to eat and eat, grow into my massive round piggy.
M Feedee: I just chugged 3/4 of the root beer in me. I want you to push the last piece in with your words. I am ready to have all 2660 calories inside with the rest of my day.
F Feeder: Gods, hon, eat it, get hugely enormously fat for me.
M Feedee: No one calls me scrawny! I have it in my mouth right now. I can check the very back fridge once I’m comfortable enough to move around a little bit. I need a little settling time.
F Feeder: Oh, yeah, let it digest, let it add to your flesh.
M Feedee: The way you said that, I could feel my whole stomach area gurgling and rumbling together. It’s a beautiful sound of skin stretching beyond its screaming limits.
F Feeder: If I'd been alone here today, I would have been setting orgasm records.
M Feedee: I’m so belly bloated right now. I’m laughing and burping at the same time. So full right now. You have helped me eat more than I have in a while. And I’m at work. Wow.
M Feedee: I want to play with myself too, but if I do I’m afraid it will take all of this naughty feeling away. I want that with you more.
F Feeder: Wow, I couldn't help myself. I'm just so turned on by this whole thing.
F Feeder: I don't think the naughty feeling is going to go away, but it might be somewhat sated for a little while.
M Feedee: Eight pieces of cheesecake are now completely swallowed and a sip or 2 of the root beer is left. I’m so fucking bloated I cant move too fast. It’s so sexy.
F Feeder: I wish I were there with some lotion right now. You deserve some TLC for eating so much for me.
11:00 am
A Prescription For Love
Ordinarily, Elena's new job as a pharmacy technician was pretty simple. She filled prescriptions, cleared up problems with insurance companies and doctor's offices, and chatted with the general public as they came to get their medications. But today...

She had received a prescription by phone from a weight loss clinic. She knew from previous dealings and other professionals that this office was worse than a used car lot - they used every slimy trick in the book to make people feel bad in order to take their money. The medication she was about to dispense, Phentenol, often caused some weight loss, along with diarrhea, memory loss, seizures, and heart failure in many cases. The 'cure' was much worse than the problem, and Elena wondered again who had to be bribed at the FDA to get it approved.

Still, it was not her place to second-guess the physician, and she had prepared the little brown bottle with distaste and returned to her other duties. A few hours later, the counter buzzer rang and she looked over to find the most incredible-looking man she had ever seen. He stood about 5'10", and she guessed that he weighed around 310 pounds. He had a gorgeous round gut drooping a bit in front of the waistband of well-filled jeans. His buttoned flannel shirt was snug around his belly, and she could see that the last 4 holes on his leather belt were stretched out. Big, and getting bigger, she thought to herself, with a familiar tingling beginning to grow in her nether regions. She blushed as she had to ask his name again - she had been so focused on his belly that she hadn't heard him at all!

"John Martinez. I have a prescription from-" and his voice dropped to a whisper, "the Center for Obesity." His face flamed as brightly as hers had. She could have kicked herself for making him tell her the clinic name. As she turned to look for his medication, Elena remembered why his name had sounded familiar. The Phentenol - it was his prescription! She fumbled for the bottle, and turned back to the counter, her mind racing.

"Um, here it is. But if you don't mind me saying so, I really don't think you need this medication. You look fine to me." Stupid, stupid! I should have played up the side effects, not tried to imply that he wasn't overweight! Between the two of them, their blushes nearly lit up the room.

"It's, uh, nice of you to say that, but I know I've put on quite a lot of weight in the last year." John rubbed his hand over his belly unconsciously, and Elena felt her knees weaken as she stared. "Between my ex-girlfriend and my family, it's been made very clear that I need to do something about it," he added.

I have to do something, Elena thought. She looked up at his incredible brown eyes. "There's, um, a little problem with this. Nothing to worry about! I'll have it straightened out in just a few minutes." She took the bottle to the back counter and before she could talk herself out of it, dumped the pills in the trash. She hurriedly refilled the container with another medication, one that would enhance appetite and decrease metabolism, meant for cancer patients that were rapidly losing weight. The sensible part of her brain was screaming furiously - didn't she know she could lose her job and certification? Didn't she know it was wrong to do this without his permission? Elena shook her head. All that she was sure of was that this was the most fantastic looking man she had seen in her life, and she could no more allow him to lose that amazing belly than she could cut off her own hand.

She brought the 'weight loss' drug back to the register. She put her hands in her pockets to hide the shaking as she asked if he had any questions and took his co-payment. He thanked her and began to walk away. After a few steps, he hesitated, and looking around, he headed to the digital scale in the corner. Her breath caught as she tried to look busy. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him weigh himself and then walk toward the front of the store.

She quickly went around to the scale, making sure he didn't return. There was a function on the scale that made it display the last weight taken - good thing he had come during a slow period! She tapped the code for the last weight. 323! He was even heavier than he looked. Trying to ignore her pangs of conscience, Elena wondered what he would weigh when he came back. 330? 340? Her mind filled with visions of his round gut getting rounder and drooping more, his cheeks and chins filling in, his ass getting wider in those snug pants. She hardly noticed the rest of the day go by as fantasies of John getting hugely fat played out in her imagination. After her shift she raced home to grab her vibrator, and spent several happy hours pleasuring herself with thoughts of him.

The next month was agony. Would he stop taking the pills when he didn't lose weight? Would he figure out that she had switched them? What if he had the prescription refilled at another pharmacy? Elena almost called him a dozen times, but she honestly had no idea what she would say. As the end of the month rolled around, her anxiety and anticipation increased. Finally, she saw his name come up in the queue of refills. Unsure of what to do, she filled two bottles - one with the 'true' drug and one with her substitution. If he seemed unhappy in any way, she would give up her fantasy and give him the Phentenol.

After what seemed like years, he finally came in to the pharmacy. The changes were subtle, but pleasing - his shirt gaped just a bit around the buttons at his midsection, the belt was gone and so was the top button of his pants! Looking at his face, she thought his cheeks and chins were rounder and more full. Elena had nearly convinced herself that she must have imagined how fantastically good-looking he was, but now that he was here she was sure that if anything, he was even more incredible than she remembered.

She beamed at him, making sure to engage him in pleasant small talk so that she could enjoy his company a little longer. He was very animated and cheerful, and Elena nearly missed what he had to say several times as he hiked up those tight jeans or ran his hand under that larger gut. Finally she turned to get the substitute drug, satisfied that she had made the right choice.

"Are you having any problems with this medication?" she asked.

John replied, "None, except that it doesn't seem to work! I've been hungry all the time, and I'm sure that I haven't lost any weight." He patted his belly and looked chagrined.

Elena turned a little pink. "It does take some time for that medication to take effect. I wouldn't worry about it." Her conscience twinged, but the delectable view soon outweighed any guilt.

He nodded and smiled as he turned to go. Once more he stepped up on the pharmacy scale. She had to turn away to avoid staring, but turned back in time to watch him grab a box of Twinkies as he made his way up front. Once he was gone, Elena practically ran to the scale. 344! He'd gained 21 pounds in a month, and without even trying!

She was dizzy with excitement, and after an hour of being clumsy and inattentive, Elena told her supervisor she wasn't feeling well and went home early. After fighting not to masturbate in the car on the way home, she slammed the door behind her and pushed her fingers into her panties. Almost immediately she came with earth-shattering force, nearly passing out from pleasure. When she came to herself, she was stretched out on the floor in front of her door. Her thoughts were clear - she had to tell him what she had done and why.

After much internal debate, Elena decided to wait one more month. She had never felt so good, so sexual in her life - what if he was disgusted at her deception? What if he turned her in? She knew it was selfish, but if she was going to suffer the consequences for the rest of her days, she wanted a few more weeks of this ecstasy. The time went by in a blur, and before she knew it, John's prescription was again in the refill queue. But there was a slight change - he had asked for the medication to be mailed to him rather than picking it up! Her heart dropped. Dozens of reasons why flashed across her mind, none of them happy. In a funk, she finished her shift, trying to decide what to do next.

After she had finished closing out the register and cleaning up, Elena picked up the little bottle with John's name on it and wished she knew the right thing to do. With trepidation she decided - she would have to go to his house and confess. There was no other option. She packed up the weight loss and the weight gain drugs in a bag, and headed out to her car.

His house wasn't far, and she sat in the car building her courage for the conversation to come. Finally, she got out, went to the porch and rang the doorbell. She heard the slight groans and creaks of the floor as he made his way toward her. "Who is it?" came John's voice through the door.

"It's Elena, from the pharmacy? You asked for your prescription to be mailed, and your house was on the way home - no, wait." She trembled as she reminded herself of the reason she was there. "I have to talk to you about your medication. Can I come in?"

"Um, ok. I guess so." John sounded puzzled, but he opened the door.

She stared at the vision that filled the doorway. He had continued to put on weight, there was no question. His shirt was untucked, but one button was missing and the others threatened to follow any minute. She could see that his jeans were skin-tight and filled to bursting with his new poundage. The fly was wide open, though he tried to hide it behind the untucked shirt. He had a small smudge of chocolate on his rounded chin, and she was so overwhelmed with the urge to lick it off that she had to turn away.

When she looked back, she could she that he had mistaken her passionate staring for surprise and disgust. His face fell, and he turned toward the living room. "Come on in. I'm sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting anyone." She looked around for the first time to find pizza boxes, ice cream cartons, beer bottles and other evidence of an eating binge. Her knees were suddenly weak with desire for him, but she mentally slammed that door. How would he ever forgive her for what she had done?

He sat back heavily in a worn couch, and the springs underneath him squealed their complaint. Sitting, his belly was even more more prominent. It spilled out from under his shirt, round and solidly filling his lap. She had to force her eyes up to his face. Even knowing that she might never see him again after this, she couldn't allow herself the luxury of enjoying the sight of him.

"I have something to confess," she started, "and I don't know what you'll think of me when I'm done."

Concern filled John's eyes. "Whatever you've done, it can't be that bad. I think you're a wonderful person, and I'm sure I won't feel any differently when I've heard what you have to say."

His words woke the guilt that had been weighing on her, and she fought back tears. "The medication I've given you for the past two months is not what you think it is. I switched the Phentenol for a drug that would likely make you gain weight."

The astonishment on his face was clear, and she went on. "I thought you were the most attractive man I'd ever seen, and I couldn't bear the thought that you might have to suffer the horrible side effects of that medication." She stopped short at the half-truth, and forced herself to continue. "No! The whole truth is I couldn't bear to watch you waste away, to watch that incredibly sexy belly reduced in any way. I wanted you to be even bigger. I was so turned on by the thought of making you fatter and even more attractive that I did something I knew was wrong. I can't begin to make amends for giving you the wrong medication, but I knew that I had to tell you the truth."

If she thought he was astonished before, it was nothing compared to the stunned look on his face as she finished talking. He started to speak three or four different times, but stopped as though unable to find the words. The pain in her chest threatened to overwhelm her, and she had to fight to keep from running out the door and away from the silence.

Finally, he heaved himself to his feet. "You think this-" he waved his hand to indicate his rolls of fat and rounded belly "-this is sexy to you?"

"I have no words for how sexy you are to me. It makes me wish I could paint or sculpt, write poetry - I don't know! All I know is I haven't been able to think of anything else since the day I first saw you." Her eyes burned bright with desire.

He turned from her, thinking. "And you wanted me to gainweight, to get fatter?" His incredulous tone made her wince.

"I know it was wrong, but I couldn't stop thinking about how incredible you would look at 350, 400 pounds, or more!" She bit her tongue, wishing she hadn't mentioned the scale numbers.

John sat again on the couch, and the silence was killing her. It seemed like an eternity before he finally said, "I guess I have to face some truth too. I liked it."

He sighed and looked directly at her. "I liked stuffing myself constantly, I liked touching the new rolls of fat, I liked feeling my clothes get tighter. I liked seeing the numbers on the scale go up. But I didn't want to face what that might mean for my life, so I kept avoiding it. Hell, I asked for my prescription to mailed so that you wouldn't see me like this...

What you did was very, very wrong, and I'm so grateful that you did it."

The relief was a physical sensation, overwhelming and wonderful. Before she could stop herself, she had thrown her arms around him, burying herself in that soft warmth. He held her close to him, his face deep in her dark hair. When she finally pulled away slowly, she looked shyly into his eyes.

He took her hands firmly, and spoke. "Never, never lie to me again, and I promise to get as fat as you could possibly want. Is it a deal?"

Not trusting herself to speak, Elena nodded fiercely.
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
9:55 am
November, 2005
November, 2006. After trying to find a definition of feederism for a non-feeder friend, I realized that what I'd written here would be most of what needed to be said. The only thing missing is the actual definition. So here goes - feederism is a fetish in which eating large quantities of food and gaining weight is sexually arousing. Some are feedees, which means they prefer to eat and gain themselves, and some are feeders, which means they want to watch a partner eat and gain. My experience has been that most people into the fetish are a combination of feeder and feedee and have moments of fantasizing of both. My personal leanings are very much on the feeder side.

Feeding means different things to different people, of course. Some just like the process and effects of binging on food, sometimes called 'stuffing'. Others are more turned on by the visible effects of weight gain. The desire for weight gain is pretty varied as well - some are turned on by modest gains of twenty to thirty pounds, others can prefer the thought of feeding a partner to immobility. Obviously there are some aspects of dominance and submission at play here as well, although not necessarily as clear cut as many seem to feel. Obviously, a feeder can be dominant, directing the stuffing and weight gain. But a feedee can also be dominant, demanding food and care from his/her feeder.

Like many fetishes, the vast majority of those professing this desire are male, both as feeders and feedees. There are, of course, many Yahoo groups and websites catering to the fetish of varying quality. There is also a strong gay male subculture around the fetish, where the terms 'encourager' and 'gainer' are often used in place of 'feeder' and 'feedee'.

November, 2005. My response to some outcry over a feedee who had posted a detailed list of his weekend binge to BHM_FFA. I waffle on this one in reality, between whether I would want to keep someone I loved from a very unhealthy lifestyle, or I would want to help someone I loved achieve his deepest desires. I suspect it would end up being something between the two.

Sorry to be so late in adding in my .02 (or 2p for our British friends), but as an FFA *and* feeder I really want to chime in.

First, Huge is correct that while this can be a safe place to discuss gaining both intentional and unintentional, perhaps lists of food eaten and calories consumed is better saved for a group devoted to that purpose. There are plenty of them around. Huge, I think you've done a wonderful job in explaining that without criticizing or demeaning anyone.

Second, it seems like the biggest question for non-feeders/feedees is *why*. In short, it's a fetish - and I use the term in the most positive way. Just because I don't get a rush of blood to the nether regions when I see a pair of patent leather stiletto heels doesn't mean that that's not a very sexy image to someone else. My personal opinion is that fetishes are hardwired into our brains. You can learn to find something sexy (if say, a much-loved partner does) but our most base lusts come from deep in the primal forests of the brainstem. I don't know why images of gaining turn me on the way they do, and I absolutely understand that it's not something the vast majority of people want to hear about. But as an avowed hedonist, I'm not going to give up something I find pleasurable just because others are perplexed or disgusted by it. I just have to find others that feel as I do - hooray for Y! Groups!

Third, you've all hit upon the most difficult thing about being a feeder - how to enjoy what brings me pleasure without hurting someone I care about. It's true that gaining in general is not going to be a healthy thing. If you want quick noticeable results, you have to go for some pretty unhealthy foods and lots of them. And while it's true that it's possible to be fat and healthy, as weight goes up it becomes harder and harder to achieve.

I think people absolutely have the right to choose an unhealthy lifestyle - people do it all the time, and sexual pleasure isn't the worst reason for that choice.

However, if I'm in a relationship with someone, how can I encourage them to do things that will shorten their lifespan and decrease their quality of life? Even if they want to as well (and I would *never* ask someone to gain who didn't enjoy it), it's just not right.

What I do is what most people with fetishes do - I fantasize, and a non-judgmental, flexible partner is the best sex toy. He doesn't actually have to gain, per se, just *pretend*. A guy who will sit back after a meal (regardless of how much he's actually eaten), rub his belly and tell me how stuffed he is will have me wrapped around his little finger. If he would wear a button-up shirt a size too small so I can see his belly straining through the gaps, I would give him my house keys and PIN number. See how this works? He doesn't have to make unhealthy choices to keep me in deep lust, and I don't have to ask him to compromise his health in order to satisfy me. No, fantasy will never be as good as the 'real thing', but it's frankly pretty damn good.

Ok, this ended up being very long. I must have had a lot on my mind. :)
9:51 am
May, 2005 #1
May, 2005. I was feeling a little put-upon by the world at the time.

Does anyone but me get tired of having such unusual sexual desires? I can't find a local feeder to date, and even when I'm not embarrassed to share my desires with 'normal' guys, there's really not much they can do to help me express them. I've had IM friends, but it just doesn't satisfy me long term.

If I were into BDSM, I'd have a huge community at hand to choose partners from and find acceptance and support. Hell, if I were into foot worship, I could find someone to play with in a few days. Sorry to be a downer folks, just feeling sorry for myself.

The other really difficult thing about this fetish (and I use the term in a positive way) is the inability to keep the effects hidden. A BDSM fanatic, for instance, can hide the floggers, disguise the hooks in the ceiling and wear long sleeves until the welts heal. A feeder who enjoys gaining will be pretty obvious to the people around him/her, even if they don't know that the weight gain is intentional and pleasurable. Most family/friends/coworkers/meddling bystanders will see the new weight as undesirable, and reactions vary from rude comments behind one's back to 'helpful suggestions'. And none of them can ever understand how great it feels, what an absolute turn-on every new pound is.

Ok, that was a bit of a ramble. Comments? Rebuttals? Validation?
9:49 am
May 2005 #2
May 2005. A follow-up to my earlier post in BHM_FFA. And just as a clarification, I do enjoy fantasizing about immobility, I didn't mean to make it sound 'icky' or anything.

Of course you're right about very few BHMs being feedees. I just got this subject in my head, and wasn't as specific as I should have been about the right group to post to. Still, there are quite a few male feedees or gainers in this group, as far as I've been able to tell, and I know that some of them do find gaining itself to be pleasurable, just as many of the female feedees do.

Not that it's terrifically relevant to the previous conversation, but my personal preferences in feeding are to start with a pretty big guy and help gain to around 400-500. I don't want an immobile partner - no going out to eat!

Even to have a guy do some fantasy play with me would be great. Enjoy a big meal, pop some buttons for me, wear clothes a size too small - any of that would put me in orbit! But it's hard to find someone comfortable doing those things unless he has a complimentary interest. Frankly, I'm not sure how comfortable *I* would be having someone do those things for me if I knew it wasn't something that turned him on. Thus the continued search for an actual feedee.

Of course, BHMs are incredibly sexy to me even without the feeding aspect. I do a lot of 'bellywatching', and I've been known to cruise Big & Tall stores. But the feeding just gives it a jolt, pushes me from "mmm, that's hot" to "OMG!!"

And trust me, if I ever get over to your neck of the woods, Huge, you are gonna get the meal of a lifetime! :)
9:38 am
October 2002 #2
Also written October 2002. I've since learned a couple of things: the cartoon is entitled "Pigs is Pigs", and the line between feeder and feedee is very thin and easily crossed.

I remember reading a Wilson Barber article where he mentioned an old Porky Pig cartoon that had a villain force feeding young Porky. He said that nearly every feeder and feedee that he had talked to vividly remembered that cartoon and having a sexual reaction to it. As soon as I read that, the images of that cartoon jumped into my head. The whole experience was strangely empowering.

I found a feeder cartoon in a Penthouse comic book (don't ask) when I was 22. It was of course a female feedee, but I was so turned on by it that it became my main masturbation material for a couple of years. I thought for a while that I was a feedee, just because the stories I saw all had female feedees, but then I realized that I was never seeing myself in the feedee's position in my fantasies. Once I found a few BHM feedee stories (which turned me on much more, and still do), I got it.

I love the thought of sitting next to a fat guy and having him 'spill over' onto me, or having his clothes get too tight, or trying on clothes with the intent of having room to grow. I fantasize about watching him top out a scale or a measuring tape. I love having a fat man on top of me kissing my breasts, or taking me from behind with his firm, massive belly resting on my ass.

Whew! I can see I'm going to need some more time with Mr. Vibrator tonight!
9:35 am
October 2002 #1
This was written in October of 2002, to a feedee who was still very much 'in the closet'. Boy, those closets are pretty cramped for us big folk!

We do have kind of an awkward fetish, don't we? (I hope you don't mind the term 'fetish' - I've never associated anything negative with it, but many people do.) Other people can unstrap the stiletto heels or wash off the Jello and return to a 'normal' life. Someone who commits to living out a feedee fantasy has to pretty much live with it 24-7, and the general public are aware of the results! I don't think I'm emotionally ready (or may ever be) to "come out" like that. But it's also kind of hard to do in fantasy, too. It's just like me to be turned on by something difficult. :)

I have dated fat men, although not supersized. I was chatting online with a guy about my attraction to BHMs. I asked him if he had an 'apron' of belly, and he reluctantly told me yes. He was pretty staggered by my powerfully lustful response! But I've never told anyone but my ex about my feeder fantasies. He didn't do too well with my confession, and I haven't felt safe about bringing it up again. Although since I'm not ready to live it out, I'm not sure what good it would do to tell a potential partner...
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